The lovely thing about having read the Silmarillion

(Have you read it?)

(Ah yes I thought not)

(It’s not a story the Jedi would tell you)

(Or anyone really)

(Okay so)

(No one understands the Silmarillion)

(Tolkein himself admitted it was meant to be inconsistent and make no logical sense)

(Because it’s mythology whereas The Lord of the Rings is history)

But I digress

Because as I was saying

The lovely thing about having read the Silmarillion

Is that you get to say that you’ve read it

Wise has informed me there’s a formulae for this

And he’s the authority

Having heard many, many of my raptures on the subject

Ahem

“Oh yea I’ve read the Silmarillion”

“Let me tell you about how Sauron was a sexy elf Chad”

And with that opening line, dear readers

Wise promises you that without question

You will get all the sexy elf Staceys

Or sexy elf Chads

The Silmarillion does not discriminate

It seduces all

Except Feanor of course

But I digress

So the thing about Sauron

Or as he was more relevantly known in the Second Age

Annatar

Is that…