Dear Spock,

I’m not so sure you’d be proud of me today. You see, I did some highly illogical things. I know that the Vulcan way is infinite diversity in infinite combinations, but you know what else is the Vulcan way? Being free from emotion.

I very much am not free from emotion. Neither am I free from my coffee addiction, but somehow that seems less serious. You see today, not only have I felt feelings, but worse than that I was led by them. I felt a part of them, and let them guide me instead of the other way around. I have always considered myself if not the mistress of my own fate then at least a starring actress in my own play. But today was different, somehow.

Hawk called me this morning and we spoke at length about God, the universe and everything. Then we chatted on Skype as well. While I worked on the week’s schedule, he worked through (hopefully) at least part of an existential crisis.

Maple checked up on me (thanks Maple!) and we made brunch plans. He’s worried about his exam results but I know he’ll be totally fine.

I had quesadillas for lunch with green capsicum and watched Loki (which is amazing, I know you’re not into fiction as a general rule but oh my gosh it’s good enough to stop playing the goddamned harp for an hour and just enjoy).

I spoke with Wise about elves and Einstein.

Little Dove and I went on a drive around curvy mountain roads and listened to Sea Shanty another ten times.

No, it hasn’t really been a logical day. I didn’t make major progress towards any life goals or forward any plans I have to change the world. I just felt safe and happy. So my dear, logical Vulcan inspiration for life, today I’m not sure you’d be proud of me. But I’m proud of me, and in it’s own way I suppose that’s what counts.

Logic comes and goes, but feelings are what really matter. If I feel safe, happy, loved and warm I think that’s the important thing right now. Thank you so much for all your stoicism and strength, son of Sarek, but right now I need guidance from Amanda.

With all my heart,

MarieAthena

P.S. I might be disavowing Vulcan logic for a day, but this changes nothing regarding Amok Time