Dear Viking

You don’t understand, I don’t think

Why I left and I couldn’t stay

I’ll try my best to explain

But it is exasperating, as I exasperated you I think

I’m no girly-girl

I’m no tomboy

I’m not your brother

And I am owned by no man

I was more mature than you

And older

If not in years then in experience

You had a view of the world that was not changeable

Growing together would have meant that you needed to change

And that was something you had to decide to do on your own

I could not be that motivation for you

In large part because

You were right

I did not value you

As you deserve a girl to value you

That’s because I needed things that you couldn’t give me

Because you have not suffered the way that Hunter and I have suffered

It has changed us

In such fundamental ways that only survivors

Of great trauma and emptiness of soul

Can really understand

Please be grateful for the charmed life you have

You don’t have darkness in you

Not really

You’re the first boy I properly had a crush on

And I’m so glad that I was able to help you

I did it for Hunter, you know

When I met him for coffee, he spoke of you with such pain and passion

And when I met you I could see

That you wanted me

And he wanted you to have me

We spoke of it later, that I had never really had a choice between the two of you

That it was fate and we couldn’t fight it

You will always be my brothers now

The two of you

And you might not understand why

But please trust me when I say

There isn’t anything I wouldn’t have done, for both of you

Pillage the world, Viking

Get amongst it

She’s out there somewhere

A girly-girl tomboy who loves surfing and

Who will see you as the moon and stars

And follow your lead

She isn’t me

But I can’t wait to meet her