Dearest Batman,

Your voice is so, so cool

And I think you know

I only agreed to read the Bible with you

So I could listen to you

I know you said that I wouldn’t like it in real life

But your voice is about more than just sound

It’s about who you are as a person

Guns and laughter

Gluten-free and pancakes

Genesis and the New Testament

Genuine friendship and sharing our birthday

Loving Jesus and pretending to be gay

Mind you

You are gay, Batman,

In the original meaning of the word anyway

You’ll get that promotion

Everyone can see who’s really talented

And let’s be honest

A man who can get a bottle top off with a chainsaw

Has some precise and amazing skills

I’m sorry we haven’t gotten to meet in person

But if it’s ever going to happen

It will be

In a bar, with you in a red plaid shirt

Coming up behind me

And whispering

“Rose”

In my ear