I’ve never written you one of these letters, perhaps because I have always been so afraid of disappointing you with the lack of flowery language or flirty references. You and I have never had that, really, we’ve just had camaraderie and very, very good vibes.
You’re the most reliable person I know, and you can’t imagine how much of a Godsend and comfort that has been for me over the last few months. I feel often like a shell-shocked survivor of war, and when we spend time together you share with me some peace. There’s still so many blank spaces in me, like I’ve been hollowed out and reshaped in someone else’s image. The fear and horror of it still overwhelms me, sometimes, but it’s so much better when I’m around you. You make me feel happy, Wise.
I have often said to you that I see into you and I see nothing but the seaside, sunshine and cotton candy all the way down. This is so, so true. You’re one of the kindest people I’ve ever met, and when I’m with you I feel safe. Because being safe isn’t about whether or not you can beat someone else up, or whether you’d put your life on the life, being safe is having the practical wisdom to avoid those sorts of situations altogether. Being safe is sending paint jpegs at 10pm, making me dinner and convincing me not to be scared of zombies because Woody Harrelson does great one-liners. Being safe is just perpetual kindness and never fighting about anything, even though we disagree about lots of things.
I hold these things to be inalienable truths, that we all have the right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. It’s the pursuit of happiness that really catches all of us, in the end. That search and quest consumes us, because we so often lose what we have in search of what we have not. There seems to be something about me that attracts danger, but also, I know I let it straight into my life – when it so clearly isn’t good for me.
You’re good for me, you know. All those beers, hikes and tv shows help fill in the holes and they make me feel so much better. I’ve changed so much since we met, and I’m much more myself now. I suppose what I’m really trying to say, in a very roundabout way, is thank you.