It was really nice to see you again for dinner. I know you don’t believe that things will get better, and I know that right now you don’t believe that you don’t need anything. You do need things though, and as you rightly pointed out, unfortunately they aren’t things I can give you.
But please, if I can do nothing else in my life, please set yourself free to find help from someone, even if it isn’t me. We probably only have a few months left, before everything changes. I know it will be other people who help you in the next phase, but I am truly worried that the next phase won’t happen. I’m worried you won’t let other people in.
You said to me tonight that you want to change your life, and that you will feel better through doing that – not through any external supports. But those external supports will help you change your life, if you only would give them the chance. I was looking through all our old photos last night, and one of the things that stood out to me the most was how much more often you used to smile. Let yourself smile again, Hawk, I feel sometimes like I don’t even recognise you anymore you seem so sad. I ask myself more often than you might think, where has Hawk gone?
You have taught me so much over the years, but the most important lesson was to be true to myself and brave. It’s now your turn to be true to yourself and brave. So don’t waste another second before you do whatever it takes to go eat that tofu, do that yoga class and teach that vegan nutrition class. Forever and always I’ll do my best to make you happy, even if that means saying goodbye.
Please be happy,